You Swine!

Swine flu is the most perfect disease for the recluse; finally, here is a disease where people are advised not to mingle with each other and to stay at home. What more could anyone want?!

Dos or Don'ts

I do...
... agree to live with this sloth-filled human being for the rest of my days, cleaning up after him and cooking for him while all he does is go to work, watch tv, mess up the living room and snore through the night.

I do...
... promise to not flirt with the cute guy at work even though he's much nicer to me than my husband to be and buys me flowers or a chocolate everyday while I haven't even received my birthday gift from you-know-who yet.

I do...
... vow to have his babies and change their diapers and put up with their tantrums and lose sleep over them while my loving husband snores on and asks me to 'keep it down'.

I do...
... aim to abide by his views on the friends I keep, the places I go to, the things I buy and adhere to his principles on life and how it ought to be lived.

I do...
... do I?

Misunderstood?

In the virtual world, it is very easy for people who don't know you in person to misjudge you. A statement devoid of ten exclamation marks and five smileys can be misinterpreted to be coming from a cold, dark soul with misanthropic tendencies. This can therefore only be repaired by inserting said exclamation marks and smileys, in order to make your intentions more positive.

For e.g.:

Without exclamation/smileys:
India is a nice place but not as nice as certain parts of Europe.

With exclamation/smileys:
India is a nice place!!!!!! :) :D but not as nice :) as certain parts of Europe!!!!!!!! ;)

There. You see what I mean? Now you try it.

FYI

Be warned.

A solar eclipse can make a pregnant woman miscarry. Sick leaves advised.

Drinking cold water after an oily meal will give you cancer. Drink Pepsi instead; all you have to worry about is the pesticides.

Today five rich Kenyan uncles you never had will give you six million dollars. Aren't you a lucky person.

Watching a movie in a seedy theatre can give you Aids. Wear really thick clothing.

Tomorrow there's going to be an earthquake and a tsunami. Sunbathing at the beach not advised.

You have been warned.

Requiem for Change

The Gujjars are staging yet another protest, Manmohan Singh has shocked and silenced Indians all over once more, the Delhi Metro Rail project is turning into a joke with more cracks on the pier and Chennai's still hot despite the rains.

Some things never change.

Most people don't change either.

Just when you begin to think it's time to hang up your boots and start the quiet life, something comes along that challenges you and eggs you on to seek anew the thrills life has to offer.

Just when you think you've learned from your mistakes and do not wish to succumb to the destructive decisions of your past, you indulge in the same whims all over again and think why not; too late will you realise why you had vowed never to let yourself go out of control again.

Some people never change. It's circumstances that change that make them behave a different way: new commitments, new goals, new reasons to look forward to the next day. Yet the old desires lurk beneath the seemingly calm exterior, waiting to break out once more.

Why Buy a Music CD When You Can Travel by Cab

No cab journey is complete without the driver of the cab assaulting your auditory senses with the same boring repetitive local numbers.

Want to listen to some rock? Or in the mood for some hip hop or jazz? Too bad! You will be forced to enjoy the songs of the local dialect that plummetted out of vogue, from the last fifty years.

But not to worry, they can be very addictive. The best part is you don't have to buy the music album; travelling by cab is so much easier. And cheaper!