"I don't know if I like this place." muttered Sujay from under the brim of his sunhat. He took another sip of the bloody mary he was drinking and continued gazing towards the sea, changing his position only slightly on the beach chair. "I somehow expected it to be more.. exotic."
Bill looked at him irritably from over the rim of his margarita glass. "More exotic, how? Did you expect the tribals to come out dancing around us at every step of the way? It's Sri Lanka in 2015; we won't even have the luck of some LTTE troops jumping us." he sighed morosely. "I hope someone starts a nuclear war somewhere and just gets all of this over with."
Before Sujay could ask him 'all of what', they were interrupted by a huge crash from somewhere behind them. The two of them jumped off their deck chairs and ran towards the source of the noise. They reached the lobby of the resort they were staying at and and saw the owner shaking his head mournfully as he looked up at what appeared to be a very large, and inexplicably slightly dented, egg. And when I say large, I mean humongous, for an egg. Also, it appeared to be covered with bits of what once made up the roof of the hotel.
"10 years you spend building something you think will last you fifty. You spend all those millions of rupees. And this has to happen. Flying eggs, of all things. I wonder if the bleeding thing's mother's going to follow next-" moaned the owner plaintively to himself. Bill interrupted the owner's meandering soliloquy to ask him what was wrong, though it was obvious enough to anyone witnessing the scene: "Lakshan, why is there a giant egg on the floor of your resort?" Lakshan gave him a look that suggested something he would have liked to have done with the egg to Bill, but managed a polite reply, instead: "I'm sure I don't know, Dr. Bill," he said coldly, with an emphasis on the 'doctor' that is reserved for dentists everywhere, "I certainly didn't ask for one to be delivered in this location or size."
Sujay, Bill and the resort owner, along with most of the staff who hadn't continued to sleep through the gigantic crash, and a couple of other curious resort dwellers gathered round to stare at the egg. It was about seven feet tall and was a rich royal purple. It seemed to have pink dots on it arrayed in a certain pattern that looked sort of like Braille, except the pattern remained flat on the egg's smooth surface. There were patches where the colour seemed to have faded off, as though the egg had been scratched by something. As they gazed on, not too sure what to do about the whole thing, quite suddenly, the egg started to quiver.
A smooth fissure developed along the surface of the egg, and it began to split apart. Everyone moved back several steps and attempted to hide behind various items of furniture. Everyone, that is, except for Bill and Sujay whose curiosity about the occurrence got the better of them. "You know, this would make for an excellent story..." said Bill, more to himself than anyone else. Sujay stared on, and thought he could make out a figure in the gradually opening structure. It opened up very neatly with one half of the egg flipping upwards, as though it had been hinged onto the bottom half. It looked almost like... "A spacecraft?!" said Sujay incredulously. Just as his brain began to try to comprehend why a purple egg shaped spaceship would want to appear at the very resort he'd decided to holiday at, something jumped heavily, and a bit clumsily, out of it.
The thing, or perhaps it was safer to say alien, was short and bulky, surprisingly so for something coming out of a seven foot tall egg. It was less than half the size of the egg, just around four and a half feet tall, and looked much like a dinosaur. And if you must know, it looked like a stegosaurus, to be exact. Except, for some reason, it was pink and fuzzy and seemed to be walking towards them.
"Um, Bill, do you mind, perhaps, I don't know, moving a bit, so I can, you know, run for my life?" whispered Sujay urgently as the alien dinosaur lumbered towards the two of them. Bill seemed in no mood to step away as he looked on in excitement and replied, "Nonsense, I'm sure it's come in peace. It's humans you've to fear, you know. How fascinating it looks, I can't wait to see it up close." Meanwhile, the fuzzy pink stegosaurus seemed slightly unsteady on its feet and blinked up at them in a mild manner.
"'Ere", it started, its breath smelling strangely a bit like beer and its accent strangely a mix of cockney and something one couldn't quite put one's finger on yet, "'ere, which one of yous is the butcher man, den?" the alien demanded, looking from one to the other. The other folk in the hotel seemed to have vanished entirely. Sri Lankans, unlike Indians, it would appear, did not seem to like a good show and had scampered off in the interests of their own self preservation, instead. "HE IS!" yelled Sujay almost immediately, pointing towards Bill with one hand, as he pinched his nose between the fingers of his other hand to block the stench of the (drunk? really?!) dinosaur's breath. "Ah", said the now slightly self satisfied looking dinosaur. "the butcher man hisself. I told 'em you were real, dey jes wouldn't believe me. But who's the idiot now, eh? Eh?" it said to the uncomprehending Bill triumphantly and almost looked like it wanted to tap the side of its snout with its tail.
"What on earth do you mean? Who doesn't think I'm real? Where in the universe are you from? And what is that thing?" He asked in a single breath, pointing at the egg shaped spaceship the dinosaur had stepped out of. "Purple nelly? Yeah, she been mine for two thousand Medusa years now. Nice eh? Picked the colour out meself and all. Sure she's got a bit o' dents and scratches but what you expect, new driver, doing million of light years through outer space ain't no joke, what? Yeah." sighed the dinosaur looking back at its extra terrestrial vehicle, noticing a couple of new dents caused by the crash through the resort roof. "Oh, yeah, you have no idea what I'm 'ere for now, do you? Okay know wot, let me start from the beginnin', eh? So, we read a bit of your books, yeah, we get those on Medusa, books, your interwebs and whatnot, gosh you humans sure are a stupid lot eh? (snigger) I mean, cat videos on social media, really? Ain't you lot got bigger problems? But our little Butcher Fan Club out on the planet absolutely swears by your writin' though, butcher man. But you sees, no one outside the club believes authors are real. They can't believe as there's any intelligent life out here, what with the aforementioned cat videos, and there wos no real person what could write smart things on earth and then I was like no way, I'm goin' to find him and get his ortergraph and show you lot and so here I am." the alien said happily grinning up at Bill. "I'm Purpaza, by the way, be sure to spell that right on the ortergraph, yeah?"
Bill was thoroughly confused now. For the first time in his life, he found himself wishing he'd been back at his clinic instead of staring down at a pink, drunk little alien dinosaur who seemed to have got it into its stupid little head that he was one of the best writers on his planet. Sure, he was a good writer, with several published books to his credit, but even on his best days he would more often than not get annoyed at his written word than want to summon the energy to pen another sentence. Now, here was an alien, shaped like a dinosaur of all things, asking him for an autograph. He wondered, for a minute, if he was dreaming. If he was, it would still make for a good story to write once he woke up, he conceded. "Are you a dinosaur?" he managed as he tried to take it all in. "Dinosaur? Is that wot I look like to you folk? Yeah, sure, that's what I am. If you lot could see wot I really looked like your brain wud prolly shut down, which is why human brains sort of process us as looking like pink and fuzzy things. Never could understand that. Sure theys is some science behind dat but I never was one for the understanding or the explainin' of it." said Purpaza. It looked around at the resort for what seemed to be the first time and seemed to wrinkle its snout in disgust. "You know, I best be gettin' along, got to catch up with the gals' for our night out and all, and I'm pretty sure they's is goin' t' be late as usual, but still, gots to do up the spikes and whatnot, so... getting that ortergraph now would be nice." it finished, staring up at Bill, tapping a forefoot impatiently. "Right, right, of course," said Bill matter-of-factly, "Sujay, I don't suppose you have a pen on you anywhere? Sujay?" asked Bill looking to his left where Sujay had last been seen, but clearly didn't appear to be any more. Bill looked around the room and saw Sujay creeping up behind Purpaza, with a bedsheet in his hands.
Sometime during the time the alien was engaged in discussing its reason for being there, Sujay had decided to run for his life. After he reached the relative safety of the outside of the resort, however, he realised he was being disloyal and reluctantly decided to rescue Bill from a possible alien attack. If there was one thing Sujay was not, it was disloyal. Besides, you could hardly trust a drunk human; goodness' knew what a drunk alien could be capable of. So he ran to their ground floor room and quickly yanked the sheet off the bed, thinking to himself that he could at least trap the alien with the sheet and figure out what to do with the creature once this had been accomplished.
So here he was, creeping up on the impatient looking alien, bedsheet raised, as he stepped aside to avoid its tail, and with one quick move, threw the bedsheet over the alien and yelled to Bill: "Quick, Bill, grab the sheet and hold it down over the monster!" Bill was a bit amused by this terrible plan, but decided to help in any case. It wasn't everyday that a friend got it into their misguided head to save your life, so one must accede to their requests when they did. Purpaza, at this point was confused and annoyed. She (yes, she was a she, back where she came from) was talking to her most favourite author in the universe one minute and was just going to give him her copy of Rainbow's End to sign, and now, without warning, she found herself seeing white nothingness and hearing a lot of excited yelling. This is not what she'd driven millions of light years through the galaxy for. She wouldn't stand for it. She wouldn't lie down for it, either.
With a mighty roar and flip of the tail, Purpaza managed to sweep Sujay quite literally off his feet and also get the sheet off herself. She looked angrily at the prostrate Sujay and hissed at him. "'Ere! That's no way to treat a lady, why I orter-" she began and seemed to be moving towards Sujay to inflict a tad more physical damage when Bill stepped in between them. "Now, now, Purpaza, Sujay was only trying to rescue me. Friends do that sort of thing out here; dog knows they cause more harm than good in the process, but there it is. Please don't hurt him. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you." Purpaza looked furiously down at Sujay but forced herself to calm down and looked back at Bill, putting aside her plan of annihilating at least one human being during her brief visit to Earth. "Right you are, good sir. Much as I'd love to swat out every human in existence, if you say this is that Sujay wot posts that Rationalist stuff on your Facebook (yes, we has been actively stalking you lot on Facebook, hope you don't mind), I guess he orter be given another chance. And any friend of yours is a friend of the Butcher Fan Club, I suppose." said Purpaza, at her tactful best. She quietly handed Bill her copy of Rainbow's End, along with a pen she seemed to have magicked out from somewhere upon her person and waited patiently as he signed it for her. As Bill handed it back to her, he seemed a little sad that he wouldn't be able to get more details about this Medusa place she kept speaking of and the size of the Butcher Fan Club. Sujay, on the other hand, was still closely inspecting the floor with his face, hoping that if he lay still enough, all the aliens in the immediate vicinity would go away and leave him alone. "Thank you, good sir. 'Ppreciate it. Now if you don't mind, I'll be flicking a beer bottle from the bar over there and be on my way. And yeah, we's is all looking forward to Fidayeen, you can be sure", she said as she winked at him and did both of the things she had proposed.
With a superalien effort, she leapt into her dented vehicle and lowered the top with a flick of a switch. In another second, the egg had vanished from sight.
"Is it gone?" asked Sujay of Bill in a loud whisper. He was still lying motionless on the floor just in case the damned alien came back for the rest of the beer in the bar. "Oh yes, she's gone", said Bill with a note of regret in his voice, "Maybe I should have hitched a ride. Would've been interesting. Oh well." He helped Sujay back onto his feet and they made their way to the beach side once more. "I suppose having an alien fan club is better than a nuclear war. For today, in any case." said Bill as he raised his margarita glass back to his lips, his eyes twinkling with glee.