Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Killing children

I'm glad to see the rage everyone is expressing over the killing of those schoolchildren over in Pakistan. I had a sustained conversation with my cabbie at chennai about it who brought up the topic as he fretted and fumed about what kind of 'humans' killed little children. I read a lot of posts on my timeline talking about it and wishing Pakistan well (or death to all Muslims, as the case may be). Thank you for your righteous indignation.

Not to be a dampener of your enthusiasm for current affairs but it would have been nice to have seen similar expressions of anger when innocent children were being killed by America's ally, Israel, in Gaza. Yes, there were a lot of them.

There was also the easily dismissible killing of children in Pakistan by America via drone strikes. Which continues till today, with little to no sympathy from you.

I guess it's more fashionable to raise a voice whenever the Taliban, a militant outfit known for its religious extremism and acts of violence, is up to no good, rather than to declaim similar acts from governments that proclaim themselves to be civilised and fair.

(I do not condone the violence that occurred at Pakistan; I abhor the Taliban, as I do any group that goes about killing people on a whim and fancy, like the friendly folks at the White House/Pentagon)

Friday, December 12, 2014

Patriotism in the time of Uber

Today, I was trying hard to remember the last time I felt proud to be an Indian.

It was certainly not when Sadhvi Niranjan Jyothi, a Union Minister who belongs to the party that is currently ruling our country, decided that anyone who wasn't Hindu, must be a bastard. Literally.

It was definitely not when a minister or more from the same party were caught ogling at a picture of a female member of the Opposition party's boobs while she was fully clad in said picture. And while they were sitting in parliament; you know, that place where they make all the important decisions that affect our daily lives? At least it wasn't actual porn this time.

Then I thought it may have been when the BJP reluctantly acceded to attempting to commemorate Gandhi and Nehru - I mean, all said and done they were our founding fathers. But when one of the lawmakers of this delightful party proclaimed that Gandhi's assassin was a national hero, that bubble pretty much burst.

Then I decided to feel proud at goings on within the country. I mean, politics isn't everything, surely. That's when I found that a party allied to the party that is allied to our ruling party was going about converting non Hindus to Hindus in what they wanted to call a 'homecoming' / 'return to their roots'. Because of course all of us were Hindus for like always till those awful invaders turned us all into haramzadas.

But surely that's just the way politics and religion always are. One can never feel patriotic about such things anyway. Let's turn our minds towards the progress our country is making in terms of inclusion, I thought to myself. That's when I found that women in our country are still not safe, even if they have to take a cab home in our capital city. Of course, the solution was to ban all app based cab services. The harder it is to find a decent cab, the safer it is for women. I mean they can just take a bus home. Oh, no they can't. OK fine, they will be safe in an autorickshaw. Oh, no they won't. Women are such a problem. Just make them sit at home as soon as it gets dark, I tell you. Oh, they get raped in broad daylight too? Even if they're not full grown women? Kill them at birth, I say.

So today, I finally decided to be proud of the fact that our government finally scrapped an archaic law that was used to file criminal cases against survivors of suicide attempts. At least now you can go kill yourself after seeing the sorry state of affairs your country is in and not be sent to jail if that noose snaps midway.

Monday, December 01, 2014

Turning 32

Um, hello, is there anybody out there?
Oh, ok, yeah I'd like to request a refund of my life please?

Oh, you don't do refunds? Okay, what is your return policy then?
Well, the condition's pretty okay I guess, closing in on 32 years that I haven't made much use of.

Reason for return? Well, I don't really see the point you know?
I mean, it's nice and all, you get to have fun and see interesting things but besides that I believe there's someone else who could make better use of it.

Yes, I understand that that reason's not good enough but it would be nice if you could -
Hello? Hello?!

Drat. Here begins another year...

Friday, November 28, 2014

How to make small talk

Let's not talk about farmers killing themselves
Out of the hopelessness of a life on loan and an apathetic government and the rain that won't come.

Nor should we talk about women whose rape and murder
Is dismissed as suicide and any attempt at justice being a way to malign the government.

Let's talk instead about kissing in the streets
To protest people in love being thrown out of coffee shops for cuddling each other.

Or let's talk about that latest Farah Khan movie
Where SRK doesn't look at all his age and the songs are just so amazing no.

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Almost dead but not quite there

(Inspired by actual events)


I brought myself some rope
And strung it from the fan
Then I knotted a noose
As tight as I can

I thought about what she meant to me
As I arranged the stool to stand on
I cried at her memory
And how I could never move on

Then I stood upon the chair
Said my goodbyes to my misery
I shut my eyes so tight
As I prepared to become history

Then someone rang the bell
It was the paper guy with the bill
I sent him off with a tip
And gave him the rope as well.

Comedy Central is off the air. Again

In what is becoming an alarming habit, an Indian court has decided to take Comedy Central off the air yet again for portraying women in a derogatory manner and thus spoiling our youth.

Our youth. To whom we offer up such worthy role models as a prime minister with blood on his hands. Like the MTV roadies who insult people and encourage stupidity. Like the movies that gross more at the box office the louder, stupider and more meaningless they are.

Censorship in India is gaining popularity in recent times. Books being banned for portraying Hindi culture in a bad light are readily banned. People are arrested over Facebook posts.

Having things banned is another favourite practice. Women are barred from libraries for fear they will lead male students astray. Police are banning non violent forms of protests because they don't want to deal with law and order issues that the local goons opposing these protests will cause.

Comedy makes you lighter. There's nothing in the world I like better than to laugh. I haven't laughed in years the way I have in the last five months. Poking fun at yourself lets you enjoy just being alive. Those bills don't seem so scary when you can laugh at a Permanent Roommate episode or two.

I don't believe Comedy Central even airs that many funny shows as it ought to (SNL sucks and I'm not afraid to say it). We should be banning channels that air saas bahu serials for their mind numbing scripts and how they portray the good woman as being one who will serve her husband and in laws without question. But banning a source of harmless entertainment is not going to make the world a better place.

Changing ourselves is. Maybe we should try not making ourselves the laughing stock of the world and try laughing at ourselves once in a while to understand this.

Is it better to be single than in a relationship?

"No one cares for me"
Is it better to be alone in your bed, night after night, with no warm body to hold you
Than to be with a man who dictates how you should live and please him?

"I keep no company"
Is it better to look enviously upon your couple friends, wishing you were like them
Than to be with a man who won't even let you drive his car because he believes women can't drive?

"I have minimal needs"
Is it better to sigh wistfully at your romantic ideals, wondering if you had made the right relationship choices
Than to be with a man who does not call you for days at a time because he's 'too busy'?

"Now they're through with me"
Is it better to have loved and lost and cry for the passion you will never have
Than to stay bound to a person for whom desire has long since ceased?
Is it better to be free and love yourself
Than to be with someone who doesn't love you?

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Before You Go...

Resurrecting an old post for a friend who needs it. Well, I guess all of us need a pick me up every once in a while.

There's always hope.

I know right now things don't look so good, but perhaps they can get better. Right now, there are no friends calling you up. There isn't any family who really care enough that you don't live there anymore. The financial situation has always been bad and the bills won't pay themselves. That significant other has become someone else's other half. Yes, snuffing it may seem like a good option right now.

But what lies on that other side? What happens when you're in the nothingness that none have chronicled factually about? Surely, the land of the living can offer you a better hope for a way forward. Right now, things don't look so good. But somewhere there's a list of stuff that you were going to achieve, and that list just keeps growing longer. Maybe you can buy yourself some time and get that done first. So hang in there for another day. Come out of your self made shell.

And remember: there's always hope.

And here's something lovely someone else penned.

Dear Adriana:

(Dedicated to Adriana)

Thank you for your numerous emails to me, that I find only when I'm bored and decide to trudge through the filth of my Yahoo spam folder.

Thank you for remembering me, though you say we met years ago on Facebook. Even though never at any time in the recent past do I remember having a lesbian encounter of even the online kind. But then what do I know.

Thank you for the links you send me to click somewhere and watch pornographic videos of you for free that you somehow got out from under the nose of your supervisor. I have no wish to see a naked woman touching herself, but your kindness has not gone unappreciated.

You seem to be one of the few spammers who persistently emails me with seductive subject lines like 'I'm hot and ready for you' and 'LOL I miss you'. At least I get regular emails from someone. Even if it is a woman who appears to be addressing emails to a man. But still, I must thank you, for the attention, if nothing else.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Feeling unfulfilled? Get married!

The wonderful thing about a mediocre existence is that it can be justified by something as simple as fulfilling a social obligation to spend the rest of your life with someone under contract of law and make babies with them.

So what if you haven't reached that spot in your career you always wanted to? Or achieved even one of the items on your bucket list? Or don't feel good about yourself as a person? Just wave that magic online broker and get yourself a life partner. Exchange some jewellery, throw in a wedding hall and you've got yourself lifelong fulfillment. No more can anyone accuse you of having a life of zero achievements - not even the man in the mirror.

Maybe what we really need in life is not to seek true happiness - happiness that is defined uniquely to each person; that is up to an individual to perceive, understand, decipher and then apply into their own life. Maybe what life's all about is being chained to a perfect stranger for the rest of your life and be the good people society wants us to be.